⚡ A LOO LEGENDS PRODUCTION ⚡

Whiskey&Walleye

THE 5TH ANNUAL WORLD TOUR

WHITE IRON LAKE • ELY, MINNESOTA • EST. 2021

SEE THE CARNAGE TELL YOUR LIES
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Boundary Legends badge

Back in the '80s we were headbangers in Waterloo, Iowa, cranking metal in basements and parking lots. Forty years later the hair is (mostly) gone, the amps got traded for outboard motors, and once a year the band gets back together. Two cabins, one lake, six legends, and a solemn vow that what gets said in the boat stays in the boat. Unless it's funny. Then it goes on this website.

The Legends

The classic lineup. No replacements. No auditions. Ever.

* All mugshots verified by management. Bios remain 100% unauthorized. Complaints go in the suggestion box, which is the lake.

Tour History

Five legendary runs. One canceled show. We don't talk about '22.

'21

YEAR I: The First Cast

The debut album. Six guys who hadn't shared a roof since the Reagan years found out the old jokes still worked. The badminton court claimed its first victims. We were doing this every year. Mostly.

'22

THE LOST YEAR: (canceled show)

No tour. No fish. No comment. Real life pulled a fast one and we let it happen exactly once. Never again.

'23

YEAR II: Back in Blackflies

The comeback album. Matching Cupid shirts appeared, a certain cookbook entered the permanent collection, and Justin smiled through the whole ceremony. Doubles of walleye all week.

'24

YEAR III: Round and Round

The heavy one. A side-by-side did exactly what the album title says, and the Kwazy Wabbit sign went up over headquarters. Nobody hurt. The machine has a memorial plaque.

'25

YEAR IV: Kwazy Train

The stadium tour. The flag went up on the dock, a northern the size of a canoe paddle came over the rail, and the smallmouth learned to fear the sound of our outboard.

'26

YEAR V: Live After Depth

The current world tour. Same lake, same six guys, same four stories, told better every year. Attendance mandatory. The fish were not consulted.

Setlist '26

YEAR V: LIVE AFTER DEPTH • ONE NIGHT ONLY, ALL WEEK LONG

  1. LOAD-IN Coolers first. Fishing gear if there's room.
  2. SOUNDCHECK First cast off the dock. No warmup, straight into the hits.
  3. OPENING ACT: WHITE IRON WALLEYE The locals always deliver.
  4. THE BASSWOOD RUN Featuring Craig Best. Prairie Portage sing-along.
  5. BADMINTON: THE ANNUAL HUMILIATION Greg and Rob. Undefeated, unbothered, unsweaty. One of those is a lie.
  6. LIAR'S DICE Extended jam. No rules. There were never rules.
  7. THE ROLLOVER STORY Acoustic version, now 20% longer per Rule 5.

ENCORE: SHORE LUNCH There is no second encore. Go to bed.

The Record Book

BIGGEST FISH PER TOUR • AS RECORDED, AND AS CURRENTLY CLAIMED

TourFishOfficialClaimed todayLanded by
'21Northern38"Roughly a kayakDisputed. All six claim it.
'23Walleye27"46" and climbingTed. He acted surprised.
'24Smallmouth20"29"Greg, mid one-liner
'25NorthernA canoe paddleA canoeTeam effort. One net, zero grace.
'26TBDTBDAlready growingYour name here
PERMANENT LAST PLACEBait-sizedStill bait-sizedEd Lowsma. Forever.

Official sizes recorded at the dock. Claimed sizes compound at 20% annually under Rule 5. Ed's entry is retired and cannot be challenged.

Hall of Flame

Awards nobody asked for and nobody can give back.

Giant northern pike

🏆 The Monster Award

For the northern pike that now has its own area code. Witnesses swear it was even bigger before the photo.

Rolled side-by-side

🛞 The Rollover Cup

For the side-by-side Ed put on its lid. Nobody got hurt, one man got blamed, and the trail will never forget. If it has an engine, a hinge, or a warranty, do not hand it to this man. The official incident report reads, in full: "Fucking Lowsma."

IN MEMORIAM

THE SIDE-BY-SIDE

2024 • BRIEFLY

It died doing what it loved: exactly what we told it not to do.

Justin holding the gag cookbook

📖 Literature Prize

Awarded to Justin, who cooks for an entire ski mountain daily and owns one cookbook he refuses to open. Recipes attempted: zero. We checked. It stays on the coffee table as a warning.

Whole walleye with lemon and herbs, prepped by Justin

👨‍🍳 The Walleye, Whole

And then the Executive Chef went to work. One walleye, whole, lemon and herbs, no recipe required and definitely not from that book. Witnesses called it the best fish of their lives, and these are men who lie about fish professionally. Redemption: complete.

Matching cupid shirts

👕 The Valentine's Day Twins

Ed and Joel. Both born February 14, 1969. Not related, no explanation. The "I'M WITH CUPID" shirts have hit the bars of Ely two years running. The bartenders now get a courtesy call every January.

Stringer of walleye

🎣 Limit Club

For filling a stringer so full the boat listed. The walleye have started warning each other.

The Walley patch

🏅 The Walley Patch

We ordered custom embroidered patches. Paid real money. Proofread nothing. They arrived reading "Whiskey and Walley." A corrected batch exists now, but the original stays in circulation because it's funnier. Congratulations to Walley, whoever he is.

Game night at the cabin

🎲 Liar's Dice, House Game

New guys always ask for the directions. Here they are, in full: there are no directions. There have never been directions. Asking for the directions is how we know you're about to lose. Rule 1 is lie. There is no Rule 2.

Ed proudly holding a very small fish

🐟 Smallest Catch in Recorded History

Ed Lowsma, displaying the full confidence of a tournament champion while holding what biologists classify as bait. Four tours and this remains the smallest thing ever brought aboard on purpose. The fish was released out of embarrassment. Not his. The fish's. We are no longer certain he is a fisherman.

Craig Best holding a giant walleye

🧭 Fearless Leader: Craig Best

Our guide into the Boundary Waters. Leads six guys with questionable judgment past the portage signs, deep into the BWCA, and more importantly, back out again. Every time. Finds walleye like they owe him money. Pictured: collecting. Fearless is the only word, and we have seen what he is dealing with. It's us.

Nick Walters holding a big walleye

🏅 The Nick Walters Award, for Nick Walters

Best guide on the lake, first man to the party, last man standing. Usually. On the 4th of July he left Rob's house without his pants and without his wallet, and walked five miles home anyway. The fish respect him. We respect him more. The pants were returned with full honors.

The badminton court

🏸 Badminton World Championship

Held every year on this court. Won every year by Greg "The Shuttlecockblocker" Poterack and Rob "The Sweaty Sasquatch" Koury. Challengers welcome. Survivors rare.

Grilling

🍳 Golden Spatula

For shore lunch excellence under pressure, with a dog running quality control. Michelin has not returned our calls.

The Merch Table

Official tour merchandise. Everything is one of a kind, priceless, and absolutely not for sale.

The Walley patch

The Walley Patch, Original Misprint

$0.00

The original run. The one with the typo. You already know the one.

Matching Cupid shirts

I'M WITH CUPID Tee, Two-Pack

Priceless

Two in existence, zero for sale. Ed and Joel wear them out. You just watch.

The unopened cookbook

100 Delicious Recipes, Unopened

Make an offer. Justin will decline it.

Still sealed. Still Justin's. The price tag is a formality.

The rollover, commemorated

Rollover Cup Commemorative Print

One (1) apology to the trail

Signed by nobody. Admitted by nobody. You saw the Cup.

Attempting to purchase anything triggers no response of any kind. The merch guy is fishing.

Legends Trivia Challenge

Waterloo childhoods, 80s metal, and lake lore. Prove you were actually there. No dweebs, no posers.

NO GOOGLING. NO MERCY.

The Lodge

Home base: Cabin #16 Lucky Buck & Cabin #17 Freckled Fawn at White Iron Beach Resort on White Iron Lake outside Ely, MN. Fishing grounds: White Iron and Basswood Lake up in the BWCA. Prairie Portage knows us by name.

Dock and lake view
Front row seats, every morning
Kwazy Wabbit sign
Kwazy Wabbit, world headquarters
Cabin deck
The green room
Sunset over the lake
Nightly pyro, courtesy of the sun

Rules of the Boat

  1. Rule 1. No whiskey until the first walleye is in the livewell. The fish opens the bar.
  2. Rule 2. Never stab at a green fish with the net. You net a fish like you mean it or you hand the net to Ted.
  3. Rule 3. Whoever backs the trailer in under two attempts drinks free that night. This rule has cost Rob a fortune.
  4. Rule 4. Daily pots: first fish, biggest fish, most fish. Liar's Dice settles all disputes, which settles nothing.
  5. Rule 5. Every story grows 20% per year. This is not a problem. This is the system working.

🎣 Guided by the pros: Craig Best & Nick Walters, the two guys who actually know where the fish are. We just take the credit.

Where It All Started

Before the lake, there was the Loo. Childhood homes of the Legends. The driveways, basements, and garages where the volume knob first got broken off. 📸 All six launchpads accounted for. The manhunt is officially over.

The Lake Report

Ten days out from White Iron Lake, straight from the sky. Smoke levels included, because the BWCA likes to keep things interesting. Rain, smoke, wind, or plague: NOTHING keeps us away.

Sniffing the air…

Reading the sky…

Forecast courtesy of the atmosphere. Fish bite guarantee not included.

The Territory

Every pin backed by photo evidence. GPS doesn't lie, unlike everyone in the boat. About 450 miles and six gas-station stops north of Waterloo, where it all started.

Leaked: The Group Chat

Real quotes. Real geniuses. Names have not been changed, because nobody here is innocent. Fresh nuggets get leaked weekly.

🎸🎣🚔👨‍🍳🏸🍳 Loo Legends 🤘 6 people

Ed finds a time capsule in a garage:

Sat 9:41 PM
Ed LowsmaFelt like a time warp to Waterloo, Iowa. What I don't get is why all these empty cigarette boxes with just the full cigarettes are laying around. It's a mystery. I'll have to look into.
Ed LowsmaSmelled like a tub of bong water
Ted GutherieI don't understand why you wouldn't smoke those heaters. Just a waste
Joel MurtingerUnsmoked cigarettes very suspicious
Ed LowsmaI didn't see a body in there, but it feels like a murder scene. Are my cop senses accurate?
Joel MurtingerSpeaking as law enforcement: no.

The pinewood derby arms race, 47 years later:

Sun 2:13 PM
Ted Gutherie[posts a photo of a trophy] 2nd place in 1978
RobNot to flex Joel, but we also got 1st for speed. 😂

Wildfires reported near the Boundary Waters:

Tue 7:48 AM
Ed LowsmaI have a feeling Rob's cigarette started it
RobHa. Fortunately, I no longer smoke cigarettes!!!! Well, maybe with you guys..

And the state of the union:

Fri 11:58 PM
Edwin Lowsma left the conversation. (He came back. They always come back.)
Ed LowsmaThis is really the only group I have that would appreciate this.

Wahawk Stories

The long versions. Waterloo tales, trip legends, and whatever Ed collected this year. Open to every West Wahawk with the password and a working memory.

Ed shows up annually with fresh quotes from the girls of West High. That is the bar. Clear it.

Dusting off the yearbooks…

The Campfire

Stories, trash talk, and corrections to the official record. Legends only.

🔥 This area is for the band. What's the password? (security is very important to us)

The Photo Pit

The greatest hits up front. All 86 pieces of evidence one tap away. Crank it.